Money talks and bullshit walks

I've always wondered when I was going to get a genuine, bone fide excuse to use this phrase. Thank you Rapport and Deon Maas.

I'll be honest, my Afrikaans might well represent an improvement on that of a lot of Engels speakers I know, but it's still pretty lousy. Nonetheless, I do get the gist of what the inimitable Mr Maas wrote in his column; given the near-hysterical outcry his words generated, it would be hard not to.

If anything is to be seen as symptomatic of the political and general discourse dwang this country – and the world in general - seems to be in, forget the Sunday Times vs Manto, this is it. Why is it that so many ordinary and not-so-ordinary people today seem incapable of understanding the difference between an argument/theoretical point and a personal endorsement or attack? A lot of things might not be working properly in this country, but it's abundantly clear that our collective knee joint is not on that list.

The columnist in question chose what I personally think was a tasteless/extreme/inappropriate analogy in favour of his argument, but I'm guessing that, apart from wishing to fan the flames of controversy, Deon Maas is no satanist. He used a lousy example to advance the notion that what many of those pleading for tolerance for human beliefs actually mean is tolerance for their beliefs, and not yours, thank you very much. Some time ago, the same columnist wrote something to the effect that the best place for road cyclists (or “fascictiese fiets-twatte” as I believe he referred to them) was under the wheels of a car. Was there outcry? Was there, heck. Most people took it from whence it came, the world kept turning and we all moved on. Because nobody really believed that the guy was advocating some kind of monster kill-all-cyclists rally, they figured he was either being a complete or was utilising the time-honoured journalistic device of irony.

It seems harsh to characterise a significant portion of a country's population as humourless or sufficiently unsophisticated to spot when they're having the bars of their cage rattled – if a guy smart enough to have once been the deputy president of our country can't cope with cartoons taking the mickey out of him, who are we to demand it of the ordinary people? It doesn't make it any easier to accept, though.

Fact: Rapport hired this guy because they thought his controversial line would sell papers, and we all know that good circulation figures keep the board and the advertisers happy. Fact: the editorial board deemed the column in question fit to publish. But when the advertisers and readers expressed their freedom of speech in condemnation of Maas's exercising of the same privilege, he became the journalistic equivalent of the kid with the excessively snotty nose that no one wants to sit next to at school. Shoot the messenger, why don't you.

These days, most people working on the editorial side of this industry will tell you that's it's increasingly difficult to escape the pressure of “our sponsors”. You don't have to look far to see which publications have folded under the pressure – they're the ones where you'll seldom see an unfavourable comment or review of pretty much anything. We all need to make a buck, so we tread a delicate course or brave it out if the heat is turned up.

It's ironic that so many of those who lauded the stance of the Sunday Times during the recent Health Minister saga, pointing out to anyone who would listen that it was indicative of the fact that we're living in some kind of banana republic are among the first to squeal when it's their belief, bank balance or reputation at stake.

But there you go: money talks and bullshit has left the building.

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Computing outside the box

The death-knell for the Japanese PC market has sounded. According to IDC, consumers in the land of the rising sun would rather buy flat-panel tellies, cellphones and games consoles than those unattractive beige boxy things that make noise and gather dust under the desk. Even if you pimp the thing up, it still won't sit well next to your new plasma and you sure as heck can't impress anyone by whipping it out of your pocket.

In turning its back on the PC, Japan has become the “first major market” to show a sustained decline (five consecutive quarters). And he world and its dog is pointing to this as the first official evidence that, at last, mobile and cellphone computing are going to supercede life, the universe and everything we've ever known.

They're probably right, but is this really what it's all about? Is this really because mobile broadband is so irresistibly sexy, or is there something else going on? It can't be that, now that most people have their beige box or laptop (and the ensuing debt), they figure they don't need to buy one for another few years, can it?

To marketers and big businesses, our spending habits and entertainment proclivities might indicate that humans have the attention span of a flea. Yet reality tells me that while you can sell any moron upgraded ringtones 25 times in any two-hour period, it's somewhat harder to get people to upgrade the innards of a PC in a similar fashion. Add to this that Microsoft Vista has people assuming their one-year-old PC simply isn't up to running all the eye candy and you can see why maybe consumers have decided to adopt a wait-and-see approach to their hardware.

Is the decline of the PC and the rise of the gaming-device/cellphone/wafer-thin television as much a consequence of a dumbed-down, over-consumerised, instant-gratification society as it is of technological advancement?

People tend to buy stuff because they're told to buy it – sorry, I know YOU are more intelligent than the masses, but this is true. Once we all have the goodies, same as everyone else around us, we need to customise it to express our individuality. A bit like Man-U supporters thinking that “Cantona” shirts identified them as “real” fans, unlike the Beckhamania-types in Asia. You can't really do that with a hulking-great PC, can you?

Outside of a niche grouping of geeks, you're never going to impress your neighbour by wheeling out your new, souped-up megabox. It just doesn't have the cachet of a plasma screen, Wii and a photoframe that will change the baby's nappy. Ergo, it won't entertain you or make you feel good about yourself, and what would happen then?

If you were happy with what you had, you might read a book or a newspaper, and that might cause you to start thinking and – heaven forbid, caring – about what's going on in the world around you. Instead of ignoring the people squashed up against you on a train in favour of “talking” to complete strangers on a “chat” site, you might look up for a few minutes and think about things. Like how crap it is that you endure this long, uncomfortable taxi ride so you can earn the money to buy this phone to impress your buddies and talk to virtual “friends”.

Forget Prozac, people – that's for losers who can't afford the bling technology. And if you live in a Third World economy, you'd better start understanding that until the markets in really important countries like Japan are super-saturated, your only role in any of this will possibly be the manufacture of it in return for $10 a month.

That manufacturers are resorting to tarting up (or dumbing down) their PC offerings in an effort to win back their Japanese customers indicates what all of this is really about. Innovator extraordinaire Sony now offers desktop PCs that fold up to become clocks or can be hung on a wall. Their newest laptop offerings come with illustrations designed by cool “artistes”. Just lipstick on a pig if you really believe that PCs have nothing left to offer. Or the technological equivalent of a 24-carat gold toilet if, like me, you're more practically minded.

No matter how brainless the marketers think the average consumer has become, we still need to work if we are to buy this stuff, and this is why the PC as we know it is unlikely to go belly-up anytime soon. Just ask anyone with a PDA or a Blackberry if they would really prefer typing up a 50-page report on that keyboard. Work will still need to be done on something bigger than a box of matches.

As if to underline this reality, while PC sales are slowing in that other consumer-dominated society, America, IDC says that worldwide PC shipments are actually going to be up 11% for 2007, to an all-time high of 286 million. Japan aside, Asia represents a massive growth area, with sales up 20%. And Gartner reports that PC shipments in Western Europe increased by 17.7% over last year's figures.

So what's with Japan? Maybe that consumer-fad-gadget-crazy country can open our eyes to see what things would really be like if we gave ourselves up to technology completely. Maybe the prospect of being reduced to turning top technology into fluffy pink, kitten-shaped egg timers in order to attract the attention of the bunch of mindless sheep the marketers thought they wanted will be enough to jolt manufacturers into a reality check. Or maybe it won't, but if you pull back from all this in a life-imitating-art sort of a way, you can't help feeling that somebody, somewhere, is getting just what they deserve.

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Shining the Glass Ceiling

I was recently invited to an "event” aimed at women in IT. It is more of a party, really – at which women will be pampered while being brought up to speed on the important things in life.

“Balancing work and home” sat drowning in an agenda of talks on make-up application, new trends in work wear and meal preparation. “Experts on fashion, make-up and food" will be there to help us enhance our work and home lives. We should "dress to impress", because there will be a prize for the best-dressed woman.

I'm sure anyone who attends this party will have an absolute ball. So why did the invitation – coated in the obligatory pink – leave me squirming?

Anyone who knows me is aware that things like a good hair-do, well-applied lipstick and shoes that I just had to have because they match my favourite handbag aren't really my thing. Truth be told, I'm a bit of a slob. In fact, this event is probably perfect for me; it might tidy me up a bit. But while I do appreciate the importance of good grooming in making a favourable impression (or just in feeling good about yourself), I'm left wondering if half the men I see working in this industry share my opinion. Because, last time I checked, a “jean-pant” hanging halfway down your rear is never improved on by the presence of a shirt and tie. Especially if your breakfast is still in evidence there.

A diet of pizza, coffee and Coke wreaks havoc with your looks, but I see no hair and nail extravaganza for the boys. I assume that's because, when they go to an IT event, even if it is a party, real business is done, real issues discussed. And really big cigars are smoked.

They don't have time for that girlie stuff. A “Men in IT” event wouldn't offer tips on nasal hair trimming or the finer points of understanding that a chestnut-brown toupee may look nice, but if the hair you used to have was black, it might not work.

All an event like this says to me is that IT is no place for “the ladies”.

I know I'm going to be told to get a life, a man, a chill pill on this. That I'm taking it too seriously, it's just a bit of fun, which, of course, it is. What really grates my carrot, though, is what events like this underline about the perception of women in the IT workplace. Apart from the fact that, whether we're cleaning toilets or coding SOAs, we're under pressure to look hot, my biggest issue with this is the inference that women who work in IT are de-feminising themselves by choosing what is still perceived as a man's job.

If we turn up at the server farm without our foundation on, it means we've given up, that we want to be one of the guys. Worse still, we're not really serious about this stuff; we'd rather try on clothes with our girlfriends than roll-out the new BI infrastructure. As for our poor children, left to fend for themselves while we head out to the office...

If anyone can tell me the last time men in IT were treated to tips on balancing work and home or cooking, I'll give you a golden mezuzah.

This event is organised on behalf of a women's organisation. I assume it's in keeping with what they want to offer us. But it suggests we're apologising for being successful in an industry dominated by men, by reminding people that we understand that the most important thing about us is that we look good. That women only feel okay about themselves when they are conforming with the expectation that they look good and everything's all right at home (including hubby, who wasn't invited to this party and is now possibly “babysitting” his own kids).

It's not just in SA – in fact, maybe this invitation wouldn't have irritated me as much if it hadn't arrived in the same week that I stumbled across an Australian site selling calendars featuring “IT Goddesses”.

The calendars are made up of “beautiful photos of real women working in the IT industry, in poses inspired by movie goddesses old and recent”, nogal. If anyone, anywhere, knows why any of this is necessary, answers on the back of a postcard, please.

And for anyone having trouble believing that there's still a glass ceiling for women in the IT industry, hop along to www.itgoddess.info. You'll get the drift.

As an un-named black American suffragist said, a pedestal is as much a prison as any other small place. And if the men in IT don't take us seriously, we shouldn't assume that's entirely their fault.

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Dial One for Perspective

I had an epiphany at work the other day. Yes, right there at my desk. My colleagues remained blissfully unaware, but I did Skype a colleague in another room to share the joy, if not all of the details.

The source of all this pleasure was the sudden realisation that the cause of any negativity I might ever feel about SA isn't just the crime rate; it's actually something a lot less sinister. It's the persistent whine coming from the plentiful supply of people criticising the telecommunications set-up in this country. But before anyone pulls me up for peeing inside the tent from which I earn my living, let me clarify a little...

Where I come from, words like “draconian”, “poisonous”, and “authoritarian”, where they are aimed at governments at all, usually refer to someone of the ilk of a certain Mr Mugabe; at the very least, they're reserved for genuine outrage attached to something “serious”, like a shoddy health service or poverty. These are strong words; a bit like the one beginning with “f” and ending with “uck”, and if you overuse them, they lose their power and meaning. (And maybe even make you sound a little like you've run out of better options.)

Because, while I am fully aware of the shortcomings of our government when it comes to opening up and advancing the telecommunications infrastructure in this country, I'm at a loss to know why I have to suffer a sense of impending doom every time anyone discusses it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the sky has been falling down every day for the five years that I've lived and worked in this country. And Foxy Loxy is, no doubt, delighted that we're all focusing on the same enemy, because, at that rate, any half-assed plan or titbit he throws our way will be greeted with standing ovations or lapped up like manna from heaven.

Judging by the things some people have been saying recently, many commentators would actively welcome the emergence of a lone, completely dominant telco in this country... as long as it's not Telkom and it arrived in that position as a consequence of free market economics. Am I in bedlam or is everyone else?

Yes, the pace of change in this important area has been slow. But the way some people talk about it, you'd honestly think that nothing had changed at all since 1994. The red tape that so many point to as a hindrance can be looked at in a variety of ways, not least as a consequence of the completely undemocratic political system this country lived with for decades.

What is so wrong with us that we have come to view anything from the length of a queue to the recent debacle that was eNatis as cast-iron evidence that “they” are making a right royal pig's ear out of running the country? If I have to endure any more loudly-enunciated rhetorical questions as to how “they think they can do 2010” next time I'm waiting in line for my luggage at the airport, I'm going to smack someone.

Ask any European how long they waited for their driving test appointment or how long it took them to check in at the airport and you might hear complaints, but they won't be talking about “tinpot dictatorships” or “banana republics”.

My parents live less than 10km from Cork city centre in Ireland, but you'd be wrong if you assumed they've got broadband Internet – want it they may, but it's not available to them. I waited a full 18 months for a date for my driving test in Ireland, then failed it and had to wait another year to do it again. When state monopoly telco, Telecom Eireann (now known as “Eircom”), deregulated, then minister Mary O'Rourke was roundly criticised for over-valuing the shares the Irish public nonetheless lapped up, only to turn on her months later when the proverbial hit the fan.

A tribunal of enquiry in Ireland has been strolling along for years trying to get to the bottom of, among other things, what some are alleging to have been corruption in the awarding of the second cellular operator's licence.

The same enquiry is spewing out a mind-boggling array of evidence that some corrupt politicians were hand-in-glove with the building industry, awarding lucrative planning permission to those with the deepest pockets and the lowest morals.

A multimillion-euro computer system for the Irish police force has staggered from one scandal to another as critics variously point to its slowness, the cost of maintaining and upgrading it and its general uselessness. And all of this in a country that, throughout the 90s, boasted an economy that most other countries would give their left nate for.

Let's get some perspective, people. As James Joyce said, “history is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake”. Change may come slowly, but it's worth remembering that this country has to grow up rather more quickly than those we seek to emulate had to.

Sure, be critical, but if we want our ministers to take a reality check, maybe we also need a dose of our own medicine. If we express concern at how potential foreign investors view the actions of our government, we must also take on board the fact that these same investors also ingest our invective and announcements of impending doom every 20 seconds.

I'm not calling for rose-tinted glasses, just a little perspective. Things are not so bad that the critics here can't indulge in some seriously personalised attacks on politicians with whom they disagree. Now THAT would be something to worry about.

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Facebook and the demise of the OS

Never mind the Google-Facebook-Microsoft wars and who's killing which social networking app, I'm beginning to wonder if we're not looking at the imminent demise of the operating system. Or at least, the wholly proprietary version of it. Think about it: even as people are going super-nuts over social networking and the widgets and apps that go with it, there is a distinct trend emerging from all of it. The same trend that swells the bank accounts of those who make cellphone covers, those little cute sock things for carrying your iPod, the iPods themselves... In a world full of sheep, we crave the personal touch, the ability to take a mass-market product and make it our own, even as we follow the crowd. Google's OpenSocial platform and everything that comes with it might be grabbing all the headlines, but have you ever thought about how strangely similar to the evolution of the Linux operating system all of this is? We are living in the era of Web 2.0 in which collaboration and customisation are the king and queen of a massive, populist kingdom. You want it? You got it, or better still, here are the tools and go make it yourself. It's the kind of environment that allows you to make a fish tank for your home page on Facebook, but also has those with a bit of savvy thinking in terms of sharing and selling music or movies. It's also the kind of environment in which the uber-geeks of GNU/Linux have been operating for almost two decades. People propose projects or changes, they debate (argue about) them, some people go off on their own and work on the code before floating it out online to their buddies. They then test it out, hone it and finally release it out into the world or, in this case, the operating system. It's the kind of process that has seen Ubuntu Linux running on a six-month update cycle for most of its life, with the exception of one occasion when it was felt a little more work was needed and, rather than send bad code out, it was delayed... can you imagine that happening in the mass-market OS world? The way things stand right now, it's looking increasingly like the social networking phenomenon is creating cyberspace's version of the mind-body problem. Only rather than collapse like a human into an existential crisis, the network carries on regardless and joins the dots wherever it can find them, making meaningful connections where previously there were none, and ignoring the body (operating system) that gave it life in the first place. As end-users become more accustomed to being able to control their “stuff”, customise it, develop it, tweak it, are they going to begin to expect the same levels of transparency from their operating systems? As more users flock to Facebook, dragging and dropping and moving things around the way they like them, will operating system loyalty fly out the window? In terms of Web services such as Google Apps or any number of projects like BaseCamp, Sun's virtual workplace project and even SAP's “Imagineering Unit” which, as we speak, is releasing widgets to work on top of its heftier core software – and choosing to see how they will spread virally – it's becoming all about the browser. Creator of Mandrake (now Mandriva) Linux, Gael Duval is inclined to agree – working as he is on creating an entirely online operating system called Ulteo, which he claims will eventually be “my digital life made simple”. Virtualisation and the rise of user-driven content and apps, along with increasingly powerful hardware, are seeing to it that operating system agnosticism is a growing phenomenon. You could argue that Apple is already there, abandoning as it has the “computer” from its title and becoming the poster child of a world that had effectively given it up for dead 10 years ago. All because they made it about the apps and the hardware. It's bend or break time. Just look at how consumers are reacting to everything from iPhone lockouts to general DRM software – they don't like it, they don't want it and, increasingly, they know how to break it. Collaboration is both a boon and a worst nightmare to those seeking to market and develop new software and applications. It allows them to get their collective thinking caps on to create new and interesting products. It also forces them, at last, to accept the power of the consumer, who can now also make use of the same environment. I'm guessing (okay, hoping) that this more fluid, anthill-style/self-organising/ad-hoc/what-you-will environment will see an upsurge in the use of Linux on the desktop; it's becoming easier for anyone so-inclined to customise and develop their own flavour. But, then again, there is safety in numbers – and if the traditional OS developers actually go with the flow, we're likely to see a completely new attitude to the operating system over the next couple of years. That's if Microsoft can take its eye off the Google ball for a few minutes... did somebody say “Netscape”? Live and learn, baby. Live and learn.

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